I'm not God

This morning I was reading through 1 Samuel. In it, I was learning about the priest and judge over Israel: Eli. He was a judge over Israel for around 40 years and is best known for confirming to Hannah that she would have a son and going on to disciple Hannah's son Samuel, training him to be a priest. Samuel grew up to be the last and greatest judge of Israel and anointed Israel's first two kings.

While Eli was certainly successful in rearing Samuel, the same can not be said for his two sons Hophni and Phinehas, who were raised to be priests. While serving in the temple, they defrauded the Israelites who came to offer sacrifices, became corrupted by their positions of power and authority, slept with women who served at the temple, and had no regard for the Lord. Eli lacked in his paretning abilities. Rather than correcting his sons with firm discipline, he let them carry on with their wicked schemes.

Here's where it gets interesting. God comes to Samuel and says this, "See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family--from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible and he failed to restrain them. Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, 'The guilt of Eli's house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.'" 1 Samuel 3: 11-14.

Earlier, a man of God had prophesied that Eli's lineage would be cut off and that his two sons would both die on the same day. So, in the previous passage, God is confirming to Samuel that he is about to carry out this plan.

After God spoke to Samuel, Eli asked Samuel to share with him everything that God had said, hiding nothing. Samuel told him everything and Eli's immediate response is, "He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes." 1 Samuel 3:18b

Eli's response leapt off the page when I read it. Samuel tells him that God is about to destroy his family (his two sons are killed in battle shortly thereafter and Eli himself dies the same day). Eli doesn't throw a conniption fit, give excuses as to why he failed to raise his sons to fear the Lord, and he doesn't go on and on about it not being fair etc. Instead, he immediately acknowledges that God is the Lord and he will do what is good in his eyes. This blows me away! He accepted God's plan calling him sovereign Lord. For all his faults, he understood that God is God alone and he is the sovereign ruler over all the earth.

I confess that I often try to be the god of my universe. When something happens that I deem as unfair to me, I am very likely to throw a little fit about it. How I long to be more like Eli! I want to constantly affirm that God is God. God is good. God is sovereign. God's ways are above my ways. I can't fathom what he has done from beginning to end.

Lord, make me more like Eli, trusting in your sovereignty!

"For my thoughts are not your thougts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I want to remember...

The five of us together
Matt reading to Addy after she climbs into his lap with a much loved book in hand
Matt and Natalie playing Angry Birds together on his ipod
Matt and Colton sharing an afternoon snack after naptime (not just Colton, Matt is still very much a napper as well).

These are the sweet memories that I intend to keep in my mind's eye while Matt is away.

Nothing But the Blood of Jesus

Here is our son Colton, 3 1/2, singing Nothing But the Blood of Jesus whlie Matt plays guitar. Isn't this just precious? Matt sings Jesus Loves Me to the kids before bed at night and has done so since...well, they were born. It was time to add a new song to the nightly routine. Colton LOVES this song. He sings it all the time. Colton loves music just like his Daddy. Some of his favorite artists (seriously) are the Go Fish Guys, Veggie Tales worship songs, Toby Mac, Third Day, Brandon Heath, and Kristian Stanfill. He frequently requests listening to songs by these artists while we're in the van. It's pretty awesome.

Lest you start to think that I've got a Jesus loving, praise music singing, angelic little boy running around my house, let me share what went down a mere two hours after this precious video was taken. Matt told Colton to go potty and put on a pull up. Colton refused. Cue drama. To make a long story short, Colton threw the mother of all tantrums. He had to go straight to bed with (gasp) no stories. The result? He violently took EVERYTHING off his shelves in his room and threw it all over the floor. He then stripped his bed, took off his pull up and sat naked in the closet whimpering. Oh, dear sweet boy. We love him so much. He isn't perfect, but he's priceless nonetheless.

I'm neurotic

*I am prefacing this post with a picture to show you how weird it gets around here. Just for fun! We try not to take ourselves too seriously in the Walker house.

I can't sit still. I'm a busy body at the core. I'm one of those people who is always on the go, doing something, going somewhere, fiddling with something around the house, etc. That's just who I am. I'm always "on top of things" and run a pretty tight ship around the house. Wonder what that looks like with a pending deployment on my mind? Off.the.chain.


I can't sit still. I find myself thinking things like, "I've always wanted to hang a shower curtain in one of the spare bathrooms. That way, Natalie can start taking showers in there. She is 5 1/2 afterall. Shouldn't baths be a thing of the past? Good grief, Matt is leaving in XX days! I've got to go buy a tension rod and shower curtain and install it NOW. Afterall, how could I possibly think of doing something this earth shattering and overwhleming (I kid) when my husband is halfway around the world for goodness sakes!?!?!" And then I promptly load the kids in the car and bring this little chore to fruition.


I can't sit still. Why? I'm not entirely sure. For one, I'm neurotic. I think I mentioned that. Two, I've noticed that I have it in my head that I have to have all my ducks in a row when Matt is gone. I'm honestly not sure why. I mean, it's not like I needed Matt's help with the shower rod and curtain. I took care of it while he was at work. I think it's just that right now, I know that if I start something and have trouble, he'll be there to help me out when he gets home from work. When he's gone, and I'm halfway into a project and then hit a roadblock, what then? This reminds me of a story. Bear with me...


A few months ago, I decided to rearrange the living room furniture. If you know me, you would know that I'm mildly obsessed with rearranging furniture. It keeps my life interesting. No, I'm not kidding. Anyhow, it drives Matt crazy. He doesn't understand why I can't just leave the furniture alone for crying out loud. So anyway, I was moving our entertainment center (with our flat screen TV sitting on top) across the living room when I heard a terrible sounding CRACK. (Did I mention this entertainment center was brand new at the time?) Before I realized what was happening, our flat screen started to slide off the now lopsided entertainment center (yep, I snapped the leg off the bottom folks) toward the floor. I'm pretty sure I said a very unladylike word (or several) as I attempted to grab the TV and stabilize the now broken entertainment center with my legs. Oy vey! With all three kids underfoot, I managed to unplug our electronics inside the entertainment center, move said electronics into a closet, move the TV safely to a flat surface, and prop the (broken) entertainement center up against a wall. This is a classic example of starting a project only to have to wait for Matt to come home from work to rescue my project mid process. Thankfully, my very handy (and forgiving) husband was able to repair the broken entertainment center and order was restored. Back to the topic at hand...


I can't sit still. And now I'm sitting here thinking about how I REALLY should get the oil changed in my van before Matt goes 'cuz, you know, there's certainly no way I can do that when he's gone (again I kid). Someone tell me this is normal?

Pirates!

My three pirates!
Aren't they cute?




Pirate sisters

The oldest pirate.

The wildest pirate.

When pirates attack!

Isn't Matt incredibly handsome in this picture? *wink*

Poor Daddy!

The darling baby pirate!

Deployment Looming

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. To that end, check out the picture of this little cartoon guy who is FREAKING OUT as he looks at the time. That's pretty much how I feel about Matt's upcoming deoployment. Although, I should clarify a few things. One, I am not a cartoon...or a man. Two (or maybe that should be three), you will never find me wearing a suit or carrying a briefcase. Wearing stretchy pants and carrying a toddler on my hip (and a diaper bag) with two other small people behind me? That's more like it. But I digress. The point is, Matt is leaving soon and I feel like a dark cloud is beginning to take up permanent residence in my mind. The longest time Matt has ever been away has been for the six weeks he went to Officer Basic Training several years ago. I only had one child then (and another on the way) and I even flew down to visit him for a week in the middle of his training. So, it really wasn't bad (at all).

This time, it's completely different. This time, he will be going to war. That brings a certain amount of seriousness to this departure. Second, I don't know exactly where he will be (this is hard for a type A control freak such as yours truly who loves to have all the facts). Third, our kids (at least two of them) are old enough to be acutely aware of his absence. It breaks my heart that their daddy will be halfway around the world for 7ish months. Yesterday, Colton asked me if I was going to Afghanistan too. I assured him I would be staying put. This morning, Natalie asked me if Daddy would be able to put her to bed sometimes even though he's deploying. I told her that Daddy will be so far away, he won't be able to come home at night...at all...until he's home for good. He will miss Colton's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Natalie's birthday, his own birthday (well, he will be with himself, but you get my drift), Christmas, New Years (okay that's a stretch--we're usually in bed before midnight anyway), and Valentine's Day. He will miss trips to the pumpkin patch, trick or treating, driving around to see Christmas lights, birthday parties, and the day to day joys of just being together as a family.

I've known since Matt volunteered to deploy this past April that the day of his departure was approaching, but it's becoming more and more real as he completes everything on his "pre deployment checklist." I'm tempted at times to cry, pout, and indignantly demand that he not go. Of course, that's ridiculous, but I know that we will miss him like crazy. So instead, I will enjoy every.single.day he's still here, filling our days spending time doing fun things together and making memories with the kids and each other. And I will pray without ceasing.

A Servant's Way of Life

The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. John 12:25-26

How often I am tempted to live for my own pleasure, comfort, security and temporal things. I spend far too much time fretting over things that have no eternal value whatsoever. So much time wasted on earthly pursuits that do nothing but draw me further away from the purpose of my life, which is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Pursuing my own comfort is a dead end road. Lord Jesus, help me to love you and your purposes to the extent that I "hate" my life in comparison. Your reality is so much greater than all this world has to offer.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

The highest honor is to serve you Holy Father. In your economy, a servant is given honor. Jesus, you are the greatest servant in all of human history. Today, Lord, you have reminded me that serving you includes, but goes beyond, church activities and ministries. Serving you involves every aspect of the life you've given me. Lord Jesus, please continue to change my heart to make it more life yours. Help me to view every day as another day to serve you and further your kingdom.

An obvious place to serve is in my own home. I am discipling three eternal souls each and every day. May my service to them and training them in the way they should go ultimately be an offering of service to you Lord. You are more than worth it.

Liliana needs a family

James 1:27 says Religion that God our Father accepts as true and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Allow me to introduce you to sweet Liliana, an ELEVEN year old girl who weighs only TEN pounds. She is languishing in an institution in Europe as she awaits her forever family. Please consider donating here to raise funds so that her forever family can bring her home.

Maybe you are not called to adopt, but we are ALL called to care for the orphan. Please prayerfully consider what you can do to help this little girl who desperately needs a family. No amount is too small to donate.

Adelyn Hope

This little sweetie is just shy of 15 months old.

Isn't she just the sweetest?

We absolutely love her to pieces.

She brings so much joy to our home.

We love you so much Addy girl!

Just an ordinary day

Today wasn't spectacular for any particular reason. It was a somewhat rainy Friday. School was taught, devotions were done, sibling squabbles intermittently occured, stories were read, laundry was washed, meals were prepared and eaten together, pictures were painted by many small hands...you get the idea.

On the other hand, today was extraordinary. A beautiful 70 degree overcast morning lent itself to a one hour walk with the kids during which Colton only cried and carried on about his legs hurting (before we were even off of our street people) for about 5 minutes of the walk. That is a miracle in and of itself. The boy loves to be pushed in a stroller and is almost four years old. He would likely enjoy being fed grapes, fanned, and pushed in the stroller simultaneously. I digress...Back to the walk. Natalie admired all the different leaves she found and happily collected many of them with the intent of making a collage. Adelyn waved at anyone and everyone we passed. Colton was thrilled to wander throught the branches hanging from a weeping willow tree.

Later, Colton helped me bake two pies (pumpkin and apple) and thanked me profusely for lettimg him help bake them (and taste them). He insisted on smelling the batter after we added each ingredient. He could harldy wait to sample them. The look on his sweet face when he was eating two kinds of pie before lunchtime--pure bliss. Life's simple pleasures....

All three kids napped from 2-4. Can I get an AMEN??? I talked on the phone, read a book, read my bible, prayed, wrote out a card, cleaned a bit, and read some blogs. It was glorious. Two hours of quiet in the middle of the day is highly unusual and very much enjoyed.

Being a stay at home mom isn't glamorous by the world's standards. Somedays it's downright messy and frankly a struggle just to make it through the day. So, on days like today, I simply thank God for a wonderful ordinary day.

"Behold, chidlren are a gift from the Lord." Psalm 127:3

Uncle Randy January 24, 1960- August 11 ,2011

This morning my uncle Randy died. He was in a bicycling accident in a race he was competing in on the morning of June 26th, 2011. After falling off his bike, he suffered major trauma to his brain that left him in a coma. This morning, nearly seven weeks after the accident, he went home to be with the Lord.

My heart is grieving for my Aunt Lisa, my cousins Sam and Allan and the rest of Randy's family and friends. He was so full of life. Randy's presence was always made immediately known with a huge smile and a booming voice. He was friendly, opinionated, outgoing, and gutsy. Please lift up his family in your prayers.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Without the work of Jesus Christ, there would be no hope. But there IS hope because of what He did for all of us on the cross. I rejoice that Uncle Randy was a believer and was received into His glorious kingdom, welcomed into the loving arms of the Father.

Psalm 30:5 says Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

Officially Official

Today is an historic day in the Walker house! Today is the day that our oldest, Natalie Grace, should be skampering off excitedly to her first day of kindergarten. She's 5 1/2 afterall! Today should be a day when I tearfully pull the minivan into the elementary school parking lot, drop her off at the front door, and wonder where on earth the time has gone. Wasn't is just yesterday that this sweet girl was just a tiny, helpless baby? Only, today isn't that day. Instead, it's just another day of school at the kitchen table.

We've been homeschooling Natalie "officially" for a few years now. I taught her preschool at home, kindergarten at home (which she breezed through much faster than I thought), and she started first grade at home just last month. She is a joy to teach. She's highly motivated, bright, inquisitive, and eager to learn. I'm so grateful that she's home with me during the day! She adds so much happiness to our home and her presence would be very missed if she was in school all day. But before I sound like a completely blissful, *everything is so perfectly amazing* mom, let me put my last few sentences into perspective by also sharing the dark side...

I have gazed longingly at the big yellow bus heading toward the nearest school many times. I've left myself daydream of how lovely it would be one day when all my children are in school all day and I could devote the blessed hours of 8-3 going to the gym, maintaining an immaculate home, volunteering, baking to my little heart's content, having lunch dates with friends, etc. You get the picture. Well, as He so often does, God had different plans. I would not choose to home educate of my own accord. Seriously. However, Matt and I felt strongly led in this direction several years ago and after much prayer (and a certain amount of very unholy kicking and screaming) we went ahead and decided to obey. I know there will continue to be days when I start to feel envious of those who send their children to school (and more power to them--I would not begin to assert that homeschooling is right for every familiy), but I'm also thankful for the opportunity to spend more time at home with my children. Afterall, the time seems to go by so quickly, especially in terms of how quickly children seem to grow up! In my short tenure thus far as a mother, I can definitely attest to the truth in the statement that time does indeed fly.

I don't want to be like the Israelites!

This morning I was reading the book of Joshua. Basically, the Israelites are entering the promised land of Canaan under Joshua's leadership (Moses' successor after the 40 years of wandering in the desert due to the Israelites' disobedience). Joshua is in the process of relating to the 12 different tribes of Israel which land will be their inheritance. The thing is, only 5 tribes have been given their allotment. The other seven tribes were apparently in no hurry to settle down. They were, afterall, accustomed to being a nomadic people. Rather than drive out the Canaanites as God had told them, they instead decided to trade with them. That's a whole lot easier than actually obeying what God commanded by driving them out and actually having to work to provide for themselves, right? All this brings me to the verse that stuck out to me. Jsohua 17:3 says: "And Joshua said to the Israelites, 'How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you'?" There are so many times when I read through the books of the Old Testament where I think to myself how these Israelites seem like a pretty dense, stubborn, disobedient bunch of folks. I mean, God spoke to them, provided for their every need, miraculously delivered them out of Egypt, miraculously provided for them while they wandered in the desert, and they STILL disobeyed him at nearly every turn. Why would they reject the land that God provided them with, the very land he intended to bless them with? Why on earth would the outright reject living in God's plan and instead willfully choose to wander about and engage in the very culture that would corrupt their focus on the Lord? What's with these people?

And almost as soon as I start to think this way, I'm nearly always convicited of just how much my own life resembles theirs. I haven't melted all my gold and fashioned it into a goat and worshipped it, but if I think that means I've never bowed down to an idol, that would be a lie. Time and again, I turn aside from worshipping the one true King in favor of worshiping the gods of comfort, self-centeredness, money, and even my husband and children. This is problematic. Psalm 63:3 says, "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." God's love is better than life itself. Any substitute for God will leave me in a wasteland of hope deferred and longing unfulfilled. Once again, I'm reminded of my need to make God first and foremost in my life. Lord, I will wait no longer to enter the land that you have provided for me: the land of your holy presence and perfect peace. You alone can truly satisfy the longings in my heart.

Pre-deployment getaway...San Antonio, TX

Hola mis amigas! Matt and I are in sunny and HOT San Antonio, TX. We flew in Sunday evening. Matt has been attending an oral surgery CE conference M-F. Fun times I'm sure. Apparently yesterday they even got the opportunity to start IVs on one another and to suture pig feet. Dentists are a crazy bunch. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I digress...

While Matt has been at the conference conveniently located inside the hotel where we're staying ( the beautiful Hotel Contessa) at the Riverwalk, I've been lounging in our suite on the 8th floor. I had grand intentions of working out in the fitness center (haven't set foot in there since we got here) and lounging in the rooftop pool (my swim suit is still crumpled up in my suitcase somewhere near the bottom). Instead, I've been reading, playing on the internet, eating tasty food, drinking coffee, watching people get married right outside my window down on the Riverwalk (really) and watching a ridiculous amount of TLC. I don't have cable at home. TLC shows are like crack to me. I can't get enough of all the baby shows and Four Weddings. Who's with me? *crickets chirp*

Matt has a 90 minute lunch break each day and gets done by 4 PM for the day. So, we've had plenty of time to go out to eat, go to the theater, walk around the mall, and just stroll along the Riverwalk. It's been LOVELY. With having three small children at home, any time that Matt and I get alone is so precious. It's been wonderful to reconnect, go out to dinner, and just walk holding hands (instead of pushing a stroller). I'm so thankful we were able to have this little getaway before Matt heads east....way east.

However, tomorrow we must go home and get back to life as usual. Dear Nana (my mom) has been watching our three little monsters angels. Apparently they've been having a rocking good time going to the pool nearly everday (go Mom!). Matt and I are anxious to see their sweet faces tomorrow--we miss our littles!

A new chapter...

In the very near future, my little (or not) family will be entering into the as yet unchartered territory of what it often means to be a military family: 0ur first deployment! My goal with this fancy shmancy new blog is to document the journey for myself, Matt, the kids, and anyone else who would like to join us. First, let's back up a bit with a little history shall we?

Matt and I have been married seven years (can I get an Amen?) and most of that time has been spend with me barefoot and (usually) pregnant in the kitchen while Matt has been studying (I use that term loosely) in school. Matt graduated from dental school in May of 2010 at which point we became an active duty Army family. The kind folks of the US Army agreed to pay for Matt's dental school education with the agreement that he would serve four years in the Army upon graduation. We're one year in to the Army experience and have loved it so far. Before we go any further, let's have a look at my handsome soldier (above). Isn't he dashing? Moving on...

Our oldest daughter is Natalie (my mini-me). She's smart, compassionate, clever, outgoing, a tad bossy, a definite girly girl and the leader of the pack when it comes to her youger siblings. She's 5 1/2 going on 20--definitely an old soul. We love this little girl to pieces. She's a lover of books first and foremost and also enjoys all things princess. Isn't she lovely?

If Natalie is my mini-me, then Colton is definitely mini Matt. Our 3 1/2 year old son is a lot like his father: talkative, very affectionate, hilarious, energetic, and passionate. Colt is a sweet little guy who isn't afraid to tell you exactly how he is feeling. He loves deeply and wants you to know it! Colton can most often be found zooming around the house in a costume (Spiderman, Batman, Larry Boy, etc.)

Next in the line up is Adelyn (Addy). She is the epitome of a happy baby. Or should I say toddler? She is nearly 15 months old now (gasp). She smiles ALL.THE.TIME. Her Nana (my mom) nicknamed her Joy baby due to her sunny disposition. This little lovie loves to laugh, flirt, eat ice cream, be held, and follow around the dog and her older siblings. Sweetest.baby.ever.

That's us in a nutshell! More to come soon. :-)