Stress Related Hives

In an effort to keep it real around here...I've been breaking out in hives multiple times a day for the past couple weeks. At first, I thought it must have been irritation from some fabric. I couldn't figure out why I had them every day, though. Afterall, I don't wear the same thing every day. After a week or so, my mom suggested maybe it was stress/anxiety related. That had never occured to me. Sure enough, stress and anxiety can, in fact, cause hives. Bummer.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized two big causes of stress/anxiety that I hadn't previously been acknowledging.

#1 Matt is coming home this Spring and as the time approaches for his return, I've become increasingly worried that he won't actually make it home. Morbid? Yes. But it happens. Recent events have made his location more dangerous than before. Recent events aside, he's in Afghanistan in a war zone! Men from his location have been killed in action since he's been there. I honestly haven't worried too much about his safety since he's been gone, but lately, it's become a much bigger concern for me. I think one reason is that he's been away for such an extended period of time that it's hard for me to imagine him being home again. He just hasn't been part of our daily routine for a while now, so the thought of him just showing up and jumping right back in is, at times, unbelievable to me. Secondly, travel is dangerous. The actual trip from there to here is a dangerous one. He stays put at his location, but in order to get home he has to travel through dangerous locations. That makes me nervous...and gives me hives.

#2 Sadly, Easton isn't come home anytime soon. I try not to think about it much because it's very upsetting. My son is literally halfway around the world. I won't meet him for likely another year or more. When we started this process, I thought we would be bringing home an 11-12 month old. Now we will likely bring home a 2-2.5 year old. That's a whole different ballgame folks. I have so many emotions about it that I can hardly articulate them. Suffice it to say, I'm in turmoil over the circumstances of his homecoming. Will it be worth it? Absolutely. In the here and now though, it's so upsetting to me knowing that I won't meet my son for so long. That delaying when he will join our family will only increase the challenges he will have when he does finally come home. The fact that his delayed homecoming is based on bureaucracy is a source of major frustration.

At the end of the day, our family of six is separated. We're missing two of our members. I just want my boys home, big and small.

And now I will go back to scratching my hives.