I'm not God

This morning I was reading through 1 Samuel. In it, I was learning about the priest and judge over Israel: Eli. He was a judge over Israel for around 40 years and is best known for confirming to Hannah that she would have a son and going on to disciple Hannah's son Samuel, training him to be a priest. Samuel grew up to be the last and greatest judge of Israel and anointed Israel's first two kings.

While Eli was certainly successful in rearing Samuel, the same can not be said for his two sons Hophni and Phinehas, who were raised to be priests. While serving in the temple, they defrauded the Israelites who came to offer sacrifices, became corrupted by their positions of power and authority, slept with women who served at the temple, and had no regard for the Lord. Eli lacked in his paretning abilities. Rather than correcting his sons with firm discipline, he let them carry on with their wicked schemes.

Here's where it gets interesting. God comes to Samuel and says this, "See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family--from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible and he failed to restrain them. Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, 'The guilt of Eli's house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.'" 1 Samuel 3: 11-14.

Earlier, a man of God had prophesied that Eli's lineage would be cut off and that his two sons would both die on the same day. So, in the previous passage, God is confirming to Samuel that he is about to carry out this plan.

After God spoke to Samuel, Eli asked Samuel to share with him everything that God had said, hiding nothing. Samuel told him everything and Eli's immediate response is, "He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes." 1 Samuel 3:18b

Eli's response leapt off the page when I read it. Samuel tells him that God is about to destroy his family (his two sons are killed in battle shortly thereafter and Eli himself dies the same day). Eli doesn't throw a conniption fit, give excuses as to why he failed to raise his sons to fear the Lord, and he doesn't go on and on about it not being fair etc. Instead, he immediately acknowledges that God is the Lord and he will do what is good in his eyes. This blows me away! He accepted God's plan calling him sovereign Lord. For all his faults, he understood that God is God alone and he is the sovereign ruler over all the earth.

I confess that I often try to be the god of my universe. When something happens that I deem as unfair to me, I am very likely to throw a little fit about it. How I long to be more like Eli! I want to constantly affirm that God is God. God is good. God is sovereign. God's ways are above my ways. I can't fathom what he has done from beginning to end.

Lord, make me more like Eli, trusting in your sovereignty!

"For my thoughts are not your thougts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I want to remember...

The five of us together
Matt reading to Addy after she climbs into his lap with a much loved book in hand
Matt and Natalie playing Angry Birds together on his ipod
Matt and Colton sharing an afternoon snack after naptime (not just Colton, Matt is still very much a napper as well).

These are the sweet memories that I intend to keep in my mind's eye while Matt is away.

Nothing But the Blood of Jesus

Here is our son Colton, 3 1/2, singing Nothing But the Blood of Jesus whlie Matt plays guitar. Isn't this just precious? Matt sings Jesus Loves Me to the kids before bed at night and has done so since...well, they were born. It was time to add a new song to the nightly routine. Colton LOVES this song. He sings it all the time. Colton loves music just like his Daddy. Some of his favorite artists (seriously) are the Go Fish Guys, Veggie Tales worship songs, Toby Mac, Third Day, Brandon Heath, and Kristian Stanfill. He frequently requests listening to songs by these artists while we're in the van. It's pretty awesome.

Lest you start to think that I've got a Jesus loving, praise music singing, angelic little boy running around my house, let me share what went down a mere two hours after this precious video was taken. Matt told Colton to go potty and put on a pull up. Colton refused. Cue drama. To make a long story short, Colton threw the mother of all tantrums. He had to go straight to bed with (gasp) no stories. The result? He violently took EVERYTHING off his shelves in his room and threw it all over the floor. He then stripped his bed, took off his pull up and sat naked in the closet whimpering. Oh, dear sweet boy. We love him so much. He isn't perfect, but he's priceless nonetheless.

I'm neurotic

*I am prefacing this post with a picture to show you how weird it gets around here. Just for fun! We try not to take ourselves too seriously in the Walker house.

I can't sit still. I'm a busy body at the core. I'm one of those people who is always on the go, doing something, going somewhere, fiddling with something around the house, etc. That's just who I am. I'm always "on top of things" and run a pretty tight ship around the house. Wonder what that looks like with a pending deployment on my mind? Off.the.chain.


I can't sit still. I find myself thinking things like, "I've always wanted to hang a shower curtain in one of the spare bathrooms. That way, Natalie can start taking showers in there. She is 5 1/2 afterall. Shouldn't baths be a thing of the past? Good grief, Matt is leaving in XX days! I've got to go buy a tension rod and shower curtain and install it NOW. Afterall, how could I possibly think of doing something this earth shattering and overwhleming (I kid) when my husband is halfway around the world for goodness sakes!?!?!" And then I promptly load the kids in the car and bring this little chore to fruition.


I can't sit still. Why? I'm not entirely sure. For one, I'm neurotic. I think I mentioned that. Two, I've noticed that I have it in my head that I have to have all my ducks in a row when Matt is gone. I'm honestly not sure why. I mean, it's not like I needed Matt's help with the shower rod and curtain. I took care of it while he was at work. I think it's just that right now, I know that if I start something and have trouble, he'll be there to help me out when he gets home from work. When he's gone, and I'm halfway into a project and then hit a roadblock, what then? This reminds me of a story. Bear with me...


A few months ago, I decided to rearrange the living room furniture. If you know me, you would know that I'm mildly obsessed with rearranging furniture. It keeps my life interesting. No, I'm not kidding. Anyhow, it drives Matt crazy. He doesn't understand why I can't just leave the furniture alone for crying out loud. So anyway, I was moving our entertainment center (with our flat screen TV sitting on top) across the living room when I heard a terrible sounding CRACK. (Did I mention this entertainment center was brand new at the time?) Before I realized what was happening, our flat screen started to slide off the now lopsided entertainment center (yep, I snapped the leg off the bottom folks) toward the floor. I'm pretty sure I said a very unladylike word (or several) as I attempted to grab the TV and stabilize the now broken entertainment center with my legs. Oy vey! With all three kids underfoot, I managed to unplug our electronics inside the entertainment center, move said electronics into a closet, move the TV safely to a flat surface, and prop the (broken) entertainement center up against a wall. This is a classic example of starting a project only to have to wait for Matt to come home from work to rescue my project mid process. Thankfully, my very handy (and forgiving) husband was able to repair the broken entertainment center and order was restored. Back to the topic at hand...


I can't sit still. And now I'm sitting here thinking about how I REALLY should get the oil changed in my van before Matt goes 'cuz, you know, there's certainly no way I can do that when he's gone (again I kid). Someone tell me this is normal?

Pirates!

My three pirates!
Aren't they cute?




Pirate sisters

The oldest pirate.

The wildest pirate.

When pirates attack!

Isn't Matt incredibly handsome in this picture? *wink*

Poor Daddy!

The darling baby pirate!

Deployment Looming

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. To that end, check out the picture of this little cartoon guy who is FREAKING OUT as he looks at the time. That's pretty much how I feel about Matt's upcoming deoployment. Although, I should clarify a few things. One, I am not a cartoon...or a man. Two (or maybe that should be three), you will never find me wearing a suit or carrying a briefcase. Wearing stretchy pants and carrying a toddler on my hip (and a diaper bag) with two other small people behind me? That's more like it. But I digress. The point is, Matt is leaving soon and I feel like a dark cloud is beginning to take up permanent residence in my mind. The longest time Matt has ever been away has been for the six weeks he went to Officer Basic Training several years ago. I only had one child then (and another on the way) and I even flew down to visit him for a week in the middle of his training. So, it really wasn't bad (at all).

This time, it's completely different. This time, he will be going to war. That brings a certain amount of seriousness to this departure. Second, I don't know exactly where he will be (this is hard for a type A control freak such as yours truly who loves to have all the facts). Third, our kids (at least two of them) are old enough to be acutely aware of his absence. It breaks my heart that their daddy will be halfway around the world for 7ish months. Yesterday, Colton asked me if I was going to Afghanistan too. I assured him I would be staying put. This morning, Natalie asked me if Daddy would be able to put her to bed sometimes even though he's deploying. I told her that Daddy will be so far away, he won't be able to come home at night...at all...until he's home for good. He will miss Colton's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Natalie's birthday, his own birthday (well, he will be with himself, but you get my drift), Christmas, New Years (okay that's a stretch--we're usually in bed before midnight anyway), and Valentine's Day. He will miss trips to the pumpkin patch, trick or treating, driving around to see Christmas lights, birthday parties, and the day to day joys of just being together as a family.

I've known since Matt volunteered to deploy this past April that the day of his departure was approaching, but it's becoming more and more real as he completes everything on his "pre deployment checklist." I'm tempted at times to cry, pout, and indignantly demand that he not go. Of course, that's ridiculous, but I know that we will miss him like crazy. So instead, I will enjoy every.single.day he's still here, filling our days spending time doing fun things together and making memories with the kids and each other. And I will pray without ceasing.

A Servant's Way of Life

The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. John 12:25-26

How often I am tempted to live for my own pleasure, comfort, security and temporal things. I spend far too much time fretting over things that have no eternal value whatsoever. So much time wasted on earthly pursuits that do nothing but draw me further away from the purpose of my life, which is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Pursuing my own comfort is a dead end road. Lord Jesus, help me to love you and your purposes to the extent that I "hate" my life in comparison. Your reality is so much greater than all this world has to offer.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

The highest honor is to serve you Holy Father. In your economy, a servant is given honor. Jesus, you are the greatest servant in all of human history. Today, Lord, you have reminded me that serving you includes, but goes beyond, church activities and ministries. Serving you involves every aspect of the life you've given me. Lord Jesus, please continue to change my heart to make it more life yours. Help me to view every day as another day to serve you and further your kingdom.

An obvious place to serve is in my own home. I am discipling three eternal souls each and every day. May my service to them and training them in the way they should go ultimately be an offering of service to you Lord. You are more than worth it.